im drinking this country out of the recession.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
