Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
