Your face is a jimmy john
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
