i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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