Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
