Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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