So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize