You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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