Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize