his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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