i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
