I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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