I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
