Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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