Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize