im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
