Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize