No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
