I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
