Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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