btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
