Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
