Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
