I got chris browned last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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