A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
