i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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