He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
