did you get engaged???
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
