Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
