Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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