I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
