So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
