hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
