you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He better not be in your backpack
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize