so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
