right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
