I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
