My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
