i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
