Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
