dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
