i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
