People in love make me want to vomit
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
