I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
