he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my being single is dangerous.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
