singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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