new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
