trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
