You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this just has baby written all over it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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