yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
