Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
