I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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