Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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