hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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