Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
