You just made me feel so damn special
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
