I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
