so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
We smell like vodka and hangover
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