Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
