i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
