and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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