I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I love you. Go after that dick
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
