After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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