my shit smells like andre
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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