I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
