No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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