You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
