Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
