i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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