That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
