People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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