You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
