I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
