Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
