Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
