where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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