Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
