hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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