I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
